January 2009
i love you.
my heart beats faster with every step i take.
my nails grow shorter every inch closer i am to you.
my lips tingle, gentler, softer, against yours.
your giggly personality makes me believe in my dreams.
your the one, i want you to be my one & only.
your mine, my darling, my chariate, my prince charming.
i love you.
i want you.
im nerves when im around you.
im the one who wants to be...
liar! liar! (burn in hell) by; the used.
jorge...
jorge's again :)
i went to his place today. it was pretty fun. pictures WILL be uploaded soon. :D
i really loved it. ian was there. FUNFUNFUN. he showed me the neighborhood. i rolled down a BIG hill. then he walked with me into the woods & everything. then at 4, we went to ians. did nothing but listen to music. kinda fun. we talked alot. my grandma was late picking me up. 2-4 turned into 2:40-5:40. idk if she...
friday night out. :)
tonight i went to friday night out. ian & josh didnt go. i talked & walked & skated with sandy, robin, haley, anthony, jordan, andrew, & steph. me & andrew just met but he’s pretty cool. i ‘see’ him at school all the time. he’s so nice! he likes to skate & stufff. he even likes slipknot & has curly hair. he’s a clone of ian. haha. but now...
your my friend.
And then he got me to look up. he was smiling and he said i love you.
then he hugged me.
thank you evan. :))
i needed that, gary hates me, you & jessica were the only ones i had.
march 29th, 2008
gary; he left me. the one thing he PROMISED he’d NEVER do. but he did. or is going to. if he does he will be sorry, he will realize how much he meant to me. but he DOESNT CARE. so im NOT sorry gary. you got one last chance, but you threw that away. you threw me away. you pushed me away. and now im not going to be pushed anymore, this time, I’M LEAVING.
dreamy.
my release, my breathe. my red crimson blood. runs down my arm. in sweet harmony. for those few minutes no one matters to me.
went to jorge's today ;D
dear fucking diaryyy.
today was amazing. i went to jorge’s, but we went to ians. we climbed in his closets, did our hair, & listened to msi. it was soo fucking fun. my lips still taste like you, & i swear that my tongue is still bleeding. today was amazing. the dog was the sexiest, your hair was the cutest, but your kisses were the bestest. :) haha, your bed’s the...
See You In My Nightmares by; Kanye West Ft. Lil...
your the death of me.
why dont you just kill me?, stop wasting my time, stop wasting my time. do it now, do it now, do it right now; shove your hand down my throat and rip my heart out with your bare hands. a puddle forms on the cold tile, and i fall to the ground, breathless, my heart still beating in your hands, sunlight shatters into darkness, and as your smile fades to tears. me screams pierced the air like...
drowning in air.
i’ve been left here, empty. i am nothing, measly air in the wind. you treat so much like dirt, the ground’s not even where I’m going to begin. you never cared, you never cared, so why should i believe you love me? you never cared, you never cared, you never cared, you fucking liar, i hope you drown in your blood and tears, because your cries have fallen on my death ears. so rip...
expectations.
you asked for heartbreak. ill give you heartbreak. if you ask for lies. ill give you lies. ask for love. ill think about it. ask for forgiveness. maybe. ask me to not be a bitch. i wonder when I was one.
you never know.
you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone. you don’t know what love is until you are heartbroken. you don’t know what living is until you die. you don’t know what I’m thinking until you ask me. you don’t know anything about me and thats the way its going to stay.
runaway from this.
sometimes you need to runaway, just to feel the power of leaving them all, you have to learn how to run, you have to learn how to fall, dream of having an alternative life, it gives us something to believe in, some place that no one knows, some place where no one can follow, a breathe in time, when your running, screaming, you have no worries, no thoughts of dieing, just running forward, and NEVER...
stop & stare, crash & burn.
you see me moving but i go no where. i breathe but i feel no heartbeat, i kiss you but i feel nothing. i hug you but i don’t feel that special feeling anymore. i don’t fly, i trip, i fall. i try to move forward but i hit a brick wall, the one you built in front of me. you act like you hate me, maybe you do, i used to love you but i don’t know anymore, everything stopped....
i miss you, miss you so bad.
i dont forget your kisses and i probably never will. with every word, every hug, our friendship turns to thrill, sending chills, down my spine, hidden; up, down, all around and behind. your eyes no lies; your lips, my hips, never seem to die. no. no. no. stop me from ruining this. never, never change; always stay the same, i dont want this to end, i want it to begin again, i miss you,the only...
oh, darling.
my black skies & dark smokey clouds fade to soft surged blues & fluffy whites. blue droplets fall from these skies but they merge into a powdered sugar snow day; and all my worry melts, melts like chocolate, and slides away. a rainbow grows from underneath our bright sunny summer day cures, you grab it out the air, water is reflecting from your palms, and colors bleed from the universe to...
burning.
hey your popping my ears, im a crying over your grave, your saying things, but its all in my head, im laughing cause ill get revenge on this creature called ‘god’, i aint going down alive, so let ‘em take me dead, ill whip your mom into shape, you hear? oh my fucking darling, your bleeding, my dear, dont cry, dont cry, dont fucking cry, ill get this over with soon, one bullet to...
pea soup
i miss the way things used to be, the things between between you & me, before you became “you” & before i became “me”. i miss our talks, the awkward looks, & the notes from the pages torn out of a book, i miss the touch of our lips & the breaths you took every day, my emotions that quiver & shook from the love that doesnt stay, i think its time for us to...
you.
my eyes burn, inside & out,
my fingers become numb from twirling my hair tightly around them, my stomach growls, but i just ate, my arms feel weak, & thin as wind, my feet are cold as ice & my toes, frostbite, my throat is sore & scratchy, my head aches, from hearing the same song over & over again, my migraine builds from only listening to dead silence, my heart hurts &...
Extremely ;; Murderously
the zipper sliced my neck, your teeth sink into my chest, your blood covers my shirt; i must say, “it doesn’t hurt.”; you stab me with your knife; i fight for air, oh my; *i can’t breathe*; am i blind, death; or am i just not listening to you and not watching the words that flow from your month; you scent’s of deep liquor and naked women; i believe you went dancing...
the truth is;;
i probably will dream about you tonight, in my empty bedroom, you’ll probably never stay off my mind, cant get you out of my head, the breathe from your lips tinkle my neck, my cheek,
my things that i do just for you, the things you do just for me, the places you take me, && how happy you make me, sometimes ill lay beside you & never want to leave, & i know you dont want to...
i'd rather waist my friday nights.
the scent of metallic water, the smell of rusting metal, the water stains running down the walls, the brown color, my reflection in the silver pipes, my body is shaken and shattered, the vibration of the liquids, the sound of the water running through, the dead bugs in the corners, the cockroaches, my crouched position, my back bending, the number on the bottom of the porcelain bowl, the white...
sink this in.
♥my lips are chapped. my breath is warm against my lips. im cold, shivering. my fingers grow numb as i try to write to you. ♥i have pain in my eyebrow, as well as my neck, swollen. blood has past poured, down my skin, pain is just in my imagination. ♥i didn’t dream last night, or i just can’t remember. the night before i dreamt of snow; with my blood, cold turns to warm. ♥in this life,...
i wish i could walk on water.
im trapped in this again, tied up, taped up, duct tape & rope, but my last words, im yet to let you know. what shall it be? “i wish my life could have been just about you and me.” no, see, your not the only one. im bleeding, crying, what have i done? confused, used, & a little wasted, how about telling the truth? lies lies lies, the harmony of untrust shattering my ears, these...